


Suicide Hotline

by arainyromance



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Child Abuse, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, harrys depressed, i think thats it, louis is there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arainyromance/pseuds/arainyromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I- I think I’m depressed.” </p>
<p>That was the first thing Harry Styles said into the phone pressed into his ear in the middle of another restless night. For years, Harry thought there would never be an end to the pain, but since that first call. The voice that came back to him, it calmed him in a way nothing else could. And he keeps on calling back and back, hearing that same, soothing voice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Suicide Hotline

**Author's Note:**

> arainyromance.tumblr.com

** “Suicide hotline. I appreciate you for calling. Are you okay?” **

~

Harry Styles was worthless.

At least, that was what the Cheshire boy thought.

He thought that he was just taking up space, breathing air that someone useful could of been breathing. He couldn’t think of any solid reason why he should live. He had no friends, no one who cared about him. The only person that ever talked to him was his boss at the diner and his step- father, who was usually drunk off his ass. Yelling at Harry and telling him that he was nothing, that he would never be anything to anyone. 

And that’s what Harry believed. 

~

Tired of everything, Harry sat at the kitchen table, at 2:21 in the morning. His step- father had gotten home about an hour earlier, shouting at Harry before throwing up and falling asleep on his bed.

After staring at his razor and tossing a phone around for what seemed like hours, Harry finally picked the phone up, dialing for suicide hotline.

~

“I- I think I’m suicidal.” Harry confessed into the speaker of his phone.

“Why?” Said a soft voice.

“Because I’m just a burden on others.”

“How are you a burden?” 

“I- I, I just am. I’m useless.”

“How are you useless?”

“I can’t do anything right.”

“Like what?”

“Everything.”

“Like what?” The voice persisted.

Harry didn’t know how to answer. He’s always been told that he was, not why. He just assumed that he never did anything right.

“Please don’t do it…”

“Harry.”

“I like your name. I’m not allowed to tell you mine but you can call me Tommo.” The angelic voice, Tommo’s, came back at him.

“Tommo?”

“Yep!”

Somehow, the conversation, that short conversation made Harry feel better, not entirely but enough to make him want to see what will happen tomorrow.

“Goodnight, Tommo.” Harry said, about to hang up when he heard the squeaking voice come back to him.

“Y- you’re not going to, you know, kill yourself?” He asked, his voice sounding panicked on the other end.

“No. At least, not tonight.”

Harry heard a relieved sigh. “Good. Just, promise you’ll call again if you ever feel this way again?”

“Promise.” Harry said, not meaning his words because he was just a voice, reading off the written script into the phone.

“Thank you.” Tommo said, Harry could hear the doubt in his voice.

Harry hung up without another thought and went up to his room, falling asleep on his bed.

~~~~~

Harry woke up a few hours later.

He changed out of his day old clothes and put on his school uniform. He dragged his body down the stairs and went to the kitchen. Harry made his step- father’s breakfast, eggs on toast, and left it on the table, with the silverware set out on the placemat.

Harry left the house in minutes, his bag in his armpit as he plugged in his earphones, deafening himself with _Our Lady of Sorrows_ by My Chemical Romance as he walked to school.

When he got there, Harry went straight to his first class, history, and plopping down in his normal seat in the third row, next to the window, as he watched the room slowly fill. The nerds came in right after him, needing to be early. Those average people came between five minutes earlier to on time. Late- sleepers slipped through the door, just as the teacher was closing it. Then, two minutes into the lecture, in came those popular people.

They would make up some bullshit that the teacher ate up and then they would laugh loudly to their seats. Harry scoffed and turned his head on his desk because they were annoying.

When he relaxed, trying to fall asleep like usual, he couldn’t. Harry felt uneasy, more than normally. Head still on his desk, he looked ahead for someone looking at him.

No one.

Harry sat up straight and looked around the room, finding nothi- wait- blue eyes. Three seats to the right and one seat back, Harry saw a small boy with striking blue eyes that were trained on him.

Harry glared back, a almost- habitual thing to do because when people looked at him, they almost never said something nice.

All he got in return was a weak smile and a wave.

That stunned Harry. 

No one was nice to him. Ever. A few days before, a little girl he was serving at the diner spat on him and pulled out a few strand of his hair when he asked if she wanted dessert. Harry couldn’t help but shed a tear and then quickly wiping it away when his boss told him to stop being a pussy about it.

He looked away after he waved but Harry was still shocked. He didn’t know what to do so he just turned his head back to his own desk and laid it down.

_Fuck him._ Harry thought, his earphones back in his ears as he tried to get back on his sleeping schedule.

~  
“There you are, you piece of lazy shit! Where the hell have you been?” Robin, his step- father, asked, his words slurred which helped Harry figure, from the beer bottle in his hand, that he was drunk.

“Work. I brought you pie.” Harry told him, walking over and holding the pie out to him.

Robin stood, took a sniff, and asked, “What flavor is it?”

“Blueberry.” Robin practically gagged and he threw the pie against the wall, blue dripping down.

“I hate blueberry, you fucktard! Just as much as I hate you, Harry.” He spat onto his face, breath like alcohol, stinging Harry’s eyes and drawing out tears. “Oh yeah, cry like the little bitch you are. Cry, cry, cry, you fucking crybaby.” Robin laughed, pushing Harry to the floor as he walked past.

Harry stayed on the floor, wiping at his tears as he heard Robin’s loud stomps up the stairs, to his bedroom.

Harry sniffled before putting his bag down and turning off the television. He picked up the fallen pie and cleaned it up, just like he cleaned up times before. He scrubbed the rug and wiped the wall. Harry recycled the beer bottle that his step- father was holding and then a few more that he found lying around.

He sniffled as he rethought of the words that came out of his mouth.

Harry was tired and he was nothing and he-

He wanted to talk to Tommo again.

~

“Suicide hotline. I appreciate you for calling. Are you okay?”

“I want to talk to Tommo.” Harry said flatly, trying his best to steady his voice.

“Um, what? Tommo?” The person was confused, obviously.

“Tommo. I talked to him last night and he said I could call back if I needed to. If he’s not there, I’ll jus-”

“Harry?”

It was Tommo’s voice.

“I’m feeling s-suicidal.” Harry said, his voice quivering.

“Oh, Harry. What happened today, love?” His voice melted with genuine concern.

Harry broke down in sobs again, telling him about the pie and what Robin called him.

“I’m so sorry that happened, Harry. Anyone would appreciate you bringing them a pie. Especially blueberry. S’my favorite.” Tommo told him.

Harry blinked.

“I wish I could just give you free pies instead of my asshole of a step- father.” Harry said.

“One day, maybe?” He asked.

That implied that Harry wouldn’t kill himself tonight. And he won’t.

“One day.” Harry said, a small smile on his lips as he hung up.

~~~~~

“I’m Zayn.”

When Harry entered the diner the next morning, there was a dark- haired boy with a forearm of tattoos wearing the official diner apron, sitting on the counter.

“Harry. Did the boss just hire you?”

He nodded.

“I assume he just gave you an apron and told you to come back today?”

He nodded again.

Harry sighed. “Did the same with me. Do you want me to tell you how to go about waiting or should I just piss off?”

“Show me.” Zayn smiled. “Why would I want you to piss off?”

“Not a lot of people like me, I guess.” Harry shrugged. “Let me just get ready.”

Zayn nodded and watched as Harry shrugged off his jacket, revealing a forearm full of bracelets.

“Woah, that’s a lot of bracelets, mate.” Zayn commented.

“Yeah.” Harry agreed, giving him a small smile.

~

“I want to talk to Tommo.” 

“One second.” It was the same voice, less confused this time.

“Harry? Are you okay?” Tommo’s voice came through in a second.

“I’m fine.” Harry told him.

“Are- are you sure?” Tommo’s voice was shaking.

“Yeah. I just- I just wanted to hear your voice again.” Harry confessed.

He heard him let out a breath of relief. “Is that okay?” Harry asked, suddenly worried he was being a burden on someone else.

“No- I mean, yes, yeah, it’s fine. It’s just, three calls in three nights. I was just worried, I guess.” He heard Tommo’s voice steading.

“Oh. I’m sorry for worrying you. I should probably hang up, shouldn’t I?” Harry asked, sadden by the though of not talking to him again.

“No! I want to talk to you.” Tommo told him.

“Y- you do?” Harry asked, happy at the thought of someone wanting him.

“I do. But, um, do you think you can stop calling me on the suicide hotline?” 

“Bu- but how can we talk? I want to talk to you. But if I’m a burden, we don’t have to. I’m sorry for bein-”

“Harry, I want to give you my phone number.” Tommo told him. That stopped Harry.

“Phone number?” The only numbers he had in his phone was Robin, the house, and the diner.

“Yeah. I was hoping you could just text me whenever you wanted to talk and I could do the same, if it’s okay. Also, it’s not like I live here so I won’t be here every night.”

“That’s perfect.” Harry smiled, liking the thought.

“Great.” He could feel Tommo’s smile.

~~~~~

Harry wanted to text Tommo right when he woke up the next morning. Just to say a polite ‘good morning’.

But he knew he should wait until he really just needed someone to talk to. Which was first period history.

Harry was just paying attention to his own business when he felt the eyes on him again. Harry looked three seats over and one behind. 

The boy was looking at him again. His eyes were piercing but also tired looking, like he hadn’t slept in days.

As Harry turned to his eyes front, he took out his phone to text Tommo.

_hey tommo sry if im bothrng u but i have to talk to u about smthng -harry_

Harry closed his eyes for a second and focused on the song blasting in his ears before he felt his phone vibrate lightly against his thigh.

_r u ok? arent u in class? -tommo_

_im fine and yea but theres a guy looking at me -harry_

_is that so bad? is he fit? -tommo_

_wait,  r u into INTO guys lk that? like, are you gay? -tommo_

Harry looked at the boy with blue eyes and gave him a quick once- over and nodding to himself.

_yea, he’s fit and yea, im gay but HES LOOKING AT ME AND SMILING THAT DOESNT HAPPEN TO ME -harry_

_haha sounds like he likes you -tommo_

Harry frowned at his phone. He didn’t know if he wanted someone to like him. They could hurt him emotionally and Harry didn’t think he would be able to recover from that kind of pain.

_he doesn’t know me tho -harry_

_aren’t you almost done with school? How could you guys go to the same school for years and not know each other? and come on, he cant be that terrible if he’s smiling. if he’s mean, text me and ill come over and beat his ass :) -tommo_

Harry smiled and texted back, _i don’t talk to people so i don’t even know what his name is and haha, thanks -harry_ , and put his phone back in his pocket.

When class was over, Harry was the second to last one out. The blue eyed boy was slowly walking behind him, a frown on his face as his eyes burned a hole into the back of Harry’s head.

~

“Hey, Harry.” Zayn greeted Harry with a smile as cleaned the booth that his latest customers ate in.

“Hi, Zayn.” With Zayn being a new employee and Harry being the nicest employee in the diner, they became great friends. Well, work friends. It had been three weeks and they only talked when they worked the same shifts but they had never talked outside of work.

“How were classes today?” Zayn asked, making small talk as usual.

“Fine.” Harry shrugged, not wanting to talk about how he freaked out about a guy waving at him. “How did the modeling thing work out this morning?”

Through their small talks, Harry found out that Zayn moved to London, mainly for modeling opportunities, which Harry thought he would have a nice living for because he had cheekbones that could cut glass.

“Okay. I think one of the judge- agent- people- thingies liked me. They wanted my card.” Zayn told him.

“That’s great!” Harry said excitedly. The door opened and a man walked in. “Tell me about it later?” 

“Sure!” Zayn said, happy that Harry really cared.

~

When Harry came home late that night, around 11- ish, he could hear Robin’s loud snores as soon as he shut the door behind him.

He looked around the house, looking for a mess his step- father might have left and Harry should clean up before he woke. He didn’t find anything, except for a pile of dirty laundry in front of his room. Harry sighed and took the pile to the laundry room, leaving it to do in the morning.

He stripped himself and collapsed on his bed, his body wanting sleep but his brain unable to stop thinking. He tossed and turned, wanting to just sleep. 

Then something in his brain clicked and he shot up, reaching for his phone on the bedside table.

Harry typed out a message and sent it, getting a phone call in return.

“I thought since we’ve been talking the past three nights, we could just keep talking.” The similar, chirpy voice coming back to him. 

“O- okay. I just didn’t know if I’d be bothering you or not. I’m told I’m a bother but they just don’t like me because I’m weird but I like bein-” Harry was cut off by a cute giggle.

Harry felt his embarrassment level rise as he thought of what he said to make Tommo laugh at him. He never thought he would be so mean to laugh at Harry, to make him feel like this, feel rotten.

“Why are you l-laughing at me? Was I being s-stupid again?” Harry trembled, his phone shaking in his hand.

The giggling stopped.

“Oh, love. I wasn’t laughing at you.” Tommo informed him.

“What were you laughing at, then?” Harry demanded to know.

“Um, okay, maybe I was laughing at you,” Harry could feel his eyes water. “But not in a mean way. A good way. I laughed because you sound so cute when you ramble.”

Oh. 

“Oh.” Harry blushed. No one ever complimented him before.

“So, how was school?” Tommo asked, his voice soft.

“Fine?” Harry said, not really knowing what to say.

 

“Oh! How was that guy? That one you were texting me about?” He said, trying to steer the conversation into a way that Harry would talk a lot.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, I didn’t talk to him.” Harry confessed, lying down and pulling the covers over his chin.

 

“Aw, why not?” His voice genuinely sounded disappointed. Harry groaned internally.

 

“I guess I was nervous?”

 

“What did you have to be nervous about?”

 

“He was just so cute. But I’m pretty sure he’s popular so he’ll be surrounded by people a lot.” Harry told him, his hand waving around.

 

“And you don’t like people?” Tommo guessed.

 

“It’s not that I don’t like people, it’s that people tend not to like me.”

 

“Why wouldn’t people like you? We’ve talked three times-”

 

“We texted once.” Harry added.

 

“-And texted once.” Tommo noted. “And I like you.”

 

Harry smiled, his teeth lighting up the darkness in his room. “You do?”

 

There was a second of silence.

 

“Yeah, I do.” 

 

“I like you, too.”

~~~~~

When Harry went right to first period, he sat in his usual seat. He watched people file in and he then he saw him.

 

He had on a nice fitting gray jumper that went very well with his tight fitting, very nicely black trousers that went over the swell of his actually very nice bum. And now that Harry had a nice look, he decided that he would actually like to hold a cheek in each of his hands and fee-.

 

“Harry! You alright there?” The teacher’s, Mr. Gray, voice broke him out of his trance, bringing him back to class where class was actually taking place.

 

“Wh- what? Yeah, I’m fine. Totally cool.” Harry panicked- rambled, hands flying motions until he heard everyone laughing at him. Then he jammed his hands in his armpits, face red.

 

“If you’re sure. Just pay more attention, please.” He asked kindly before turning back to write on the board.

 

Harry looked up at the clock and found class was already halfway over.

 

Something hit his face, right near his eye.

 

Harry looked behind him and saw a jock smirking with his tongue out. The idiot next to him was pointing at Harry’s feet, where a paper ball was. 

 

He un-rumpled it and read, _imagining sucking a cock, fag?_. Harry turned and gave them the finger, catching a glimpse of the blue- eyed boy. 

 

They locked eyes and the boy smiled at him, almost proud that he did that. And Harry’s heart did a little flip.

 

Harry’s eyes widened and he turned his neck so quick to his desk that he thought it was going to snap.

 

_Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Don’t look back._ Harry chanted to himself as he focused on the squeaking noise of marker against white board.

 

Time passed by as he focused on the noise, slowly drifting off to sleep until he felt himself being shaken awake.

 

As he rubbed the sleepiness away from his eyes, Harry saw a boy in front of him, in an empty classroom. It was the boy with blue eyes.

 

“Oh! Hi!” Harry said, surprised.

 

He didn’t say anything, just smiled and handed Harry a folded up piece of paper.

 

“For me?” Harry asked as he took it.

 

He was silent but smiled, teeth showing and eyes crinkling as he walked towards the door.

 

“Okay, bye?” Harry said as he opened the door. The boy raised his brow and motioned for Harry to follow.

 

Surprised, Harry shoved all his stuff in his bag and decided to skip his next class, following the cute but mysterious boy. 

 

Apparently, he was leading them to the courtyard, motioning Harry to lie down next to him. He sighed as he dropped his bag, then his body, Harry following.

 

He curled up in the warm sunlight and looked expectantly at the curly- haired boy.

 

“Yeah?” Then he remembered the paper in his hand. Harry bit his lip in anticipation as he unfolded the paper.

 

_That was brave of you :)_

 

Harry stared at the five little words for a long time before he smiled to the boy who was trying to look anywhere but Harry.

 

“Thanks. They just get on my nerves so much.” Harry groaned, throwing his torso back to lie on the ground. He felt the paper slip through his fingers.

 

It was in his face a minute later, more words scrawled on it.

 

_don’t let those assholes get to you. they probably just wish they were actually getting a blow from your lips._

 

Harry choked, sitting up. He looked to the boy with wide eyes, just to see him smirking as he took the paper back and handed it to him after writing something else.

 

_i know i do._

 

Harry smiled at the boy for a long time and made a mental note before starting a new conversation.

~

“Why the hell are you smiling like an idiot?” Was the first thing Robin said to him when he closed the door.

 

Harry shrugged.

 

“I asked you a fucking question. Now answer me!” He shouted, taking a step closer.

 

Harry flinched back. “N- nothing. J- just had a g- good day.”

 

Robin laughed and gulped down as much beer as he could. Then, he threw the bottle at Harry’s head, who shrieked and dodged just in time.

 

“How’s your day now?” Robin laughed as he rubbed his pot belly, walking up the stairs. “You were supposed the catch that, you little shit. Make sure you clean it up!” He shouted from the top of the stairs.

 

Harry’s eyes began to water at the harsh words and felt pain underneath his right eye. Reaching right under his eye, he felt warm liquid. He rushed towards the bathroom, looking at his reflection.

 

A piece of broken glass stuck in Harry’s porcelain skin, a fine line of blood dripping down.

 

“Ah.” Harry whimpered softly as he took out the glass shard, the blood flowing down his face more violently. He wiped away his tears and cleaned the blood, putting a band- aid over it. Then he went back to the front door and cleaned up the broken glass and spilled beer.

 

When he finished, he sat at the kitchen table, his face wet with tears. He took out his phone and texted the only person he’s ever texted.

 

_hey, r u busy? -harry_

 

Harry had to wait four full minutes before he got a reply.

 

_not at all wanna talk? :) -tommo_

 

_yes plz -harry_

 

A second after he sent the text, his phone rang. Harry listened for the sound of his step- father’s snores before he answered.

 

“Hello, love!” His usual cheerful voice that calmed Harry down slightly.

 

“T- Tommo?” He knew his voice sounded wobbly and weak but he couldn’t help it.

 

“Harry? Harry, what’s wrong? What happened?” Tommo’s voice was full of concern now, scraping noise like a chair being pushed back as if he stood up abruptly.

 

“He- he threw a bottle at my head. I- I dodged but-”

 

“Did he hurt you? Oh god, do you need to go to a hospital? Shit, I can come get you if you need me to.” Tommo panicked.

 

“No, I’m fine. I just got a little cut, I’m fine. Just overreacting, I guess.” Harry confessed.

 

“It’s not overreacting if you’re getting hurt, Harry.”

 

He paused at that. Of course Harry knew that it wasn’t right that he was getting hurt but what else could he do? 

 

“Harry?” Tommo’s voice brought him back.

 

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine for now.” Harry spoke into the speaker, hanging up.

 

Harry sighed, leaning back in the hard chair. One arm went to cover his eyes that leaked tears, slowly at first and then fast like a river.

~~~~~

Harry rested his head on his hard and cool desk when the chair behind his scraped back, making a loud and rather unpleasant screech. The person who sat down leaned forwarded and poked Harry’s back unrelentingly.

 

Harry opened his eyes and was prepared to glare at the asshole but-

 

It was the blue- eyed boy, smiling down at him.

 

Harry shot up once his mind processed the boy, his knee hitting the underside of his desk and swore, hearing a giggle. A giggled that seemed somewhat familiar to him.

 

He looked up at the giggling boy in front of him.

 

The boy was so cute, everything about him was petite and adorable. His eyes crinkled when he laughed, his petite hands just covering his mouth, then he lowered then and he was smiling at Harry. How did Harry never notice him before?

 

“Hi.” Harry greeted him, knowing he wouldn’t get a verbal answer.

 

The blue eyed boy waved at him before his eyes zeroed in on Harry’s cheek.

 

“Um, are you still not going to talk to me?” Harry guessed.

 

He shrugged.

 

“That’s fine, I guess. I mean, I’m incredibly awkward and weird so it’s probably best if we don’t talk. If we do, you’ll most likely end up hating me. I mean, things will get weird, then really weir-”

 

His laugh interrupted his rambling.

 

“Why do you keep laughing at me?” Harry frowned, not liking how much he was getting laughed at. “If you already think me a weirdo, you can just tell me. I’ll stop.”

 

A paper was slid towards him, messy handwriting at the top. Harry looked at him for a second and read the words.

 

_i laughed because you look adorable when you babble. and what happened to your cheek?_

 

Harry’s smile broke out as he read the words. He picked up his own pencil and wrote down his response.

 

**_thanks and nothing important._ **

 

It made Harry’s heart sink when he saw him frown.

 

_if it’s not important why cant you tell me._

 

Harry looked up to find the boy’s face full of concern.

 

“Please don’t wor-”

 

“Harry! Something to share with the class?” Mr. Gray’s booming voice came to him.

 

Harry whipped around and smiled sweetly at the teacher. “No, sir. Sorry.”

 

“Well, at least you’re not sleeping.” He mumbled as he turned back to the board.

 

Harry didn’t turn around again, choosing to slump in his seat. Then he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He twisted around and saw the paper he and the boy were writing on.

 

_sorry if you dont want to talk about it. talk later?_

 

Harry turned and smiled, his dimples showing themselves to the boy.

~

“What guy put that smile on your face?” Zayn greeted him as he laid down two plates in front of the people in his booth.

 

“What?” Harry was shocked.

 

“What guy put that smile on your face?” Zayn repeated.

 

“How did you know?” Harry asked. Sure, he was out in general and stuff but he never told Zayn. It just, hadn’t come up yet. Guess it didn’t need to.

 

“It was just a guess. I was almost sure you were into guys but you could have been into girls too, being the sexy beast you are.” Zayn winked.

 

Harry blushed. “There’s this guy in my history class and we finally talked. Sort of.”

 

Zayn raised a brow and Harry explained the whole ‘no talking, all writing’ thing he assumed they were doing.

 

“Aw, that’s actually really cute.” 

 

“Liam!” Zayn ran to the doorway and embraced the muscular man standing there. “Harry, this is my boyfriend/landlord, Liam.”

 

“How you doing?” Harry greeted him.

 

“I’m kind of tearing up on the inside because the thing you and this guy is just so adorable.” His voice was kind of nice, like a river flowing without any interruptions or anything.

 

“He’s just a cute fellow, isn’t he.” Zayn commented.

 

“He is. But what happened to your cheek?”

 

Liam and Zayn both looked at his cheek, staring at the band- aid. Harry’s hand went to cover it, turned around.

 

“S’ nothing. Just tripped and cut myself.” Harry lied, and brushing them off with the excuse that he had customers to serve.

~

“Harry! Why the fuck didn’t you wash my laundry?”

 

Harry was quick to shut the door and rush to where Robin was pacing in the kitchen.

 

“What?” Harry asked, not hearing what he said.

 

“Can you not hear? Are you fucking deaf? I asked you, why the fuck didn’t you wash my laundry?” He spat, making Harry’s eyes water.

 

“I- I had to g- go to school. I d- didn’t have t- tim-”

 

“Why the hell are you stuttering? What are you, retarded? Hell, I asked you to do one little thing for me! I just needed clean clothes to meet with an important person and you just blew our entire future!” His step- father screamed, pushing everything on the table to the floor, breaking them. “One thing! You had to do one thing and you fucked it up! Just like you fucked up this family!”

 

The tears were running down his face, knowing precisely what he was going to say next.

 

“You killed this family! You were selfish and you got your mother killed! It’s all your fault! Everything is always _your_ fault!” He screamed, flipping the table over, pushing the chairs down. He ripped opened every cabinet and pulled everything out, sending them crashing to the floor. All while Harry stood with a pie box in his hands, his salty tears landing on it.

 

“Get out of my fucking way, you fucking moron!” Robin shouted, grabbing the pie before pushing Harry to the floor. “What the hell? Nobody on Earth with taste buds fucking likes strawberry pie!” And he slammed it right on Harry’s face. Then, he went upstairs.

 

The house was silent. Nothing moved, no one moved. Everything in the kitchen was on the floor, surrounding the still Harry, strawberry pie smashed on his face, slowly sliding down. 

 

It hit the floor with a _splat_.

 

Harry looked down at the broken pie and sniffled. Then he full out screamed. He screamed as loud as his lungs would let him, loud enough that anyone outside would be able to hear him.

 

And he collapsed.

 

Harry fell on the broken glass, the broken ceramics. He felt a sharp piercing on his face and hands, where his shirt had risen up and glass could pierce his skin.

 

But he couldn’t care at all. Because nothing was worse than knowing that he was the reason for his mother’s death. 

 

He thought about it and lost consciousness, the sharp pains and his heavy breathing, it was just too much.

~~~~~

“Harry? Oh my- Zayn! He’s awake!”

 

Harry heard footsteps and he groaned as he tried to sit up.

 

“Damn, don’t push yourself, Harry.” It was a voice Harry didn’t recognized at all, the hand trying to push him back into bed wasn’t helping him either.

 

“Harry! Just lie down. Please.” That was Zayn’s voice. Harry stopped trying to lift himself up with his weak arms, instead dropping himself back in bed.

 

“Zayn? Zayn, what time is it? What happened?” His voice was just as weak as he felt, shaky, uneven.

 

“It’s about 12: 01 pm on Sunday.” It was that voice Harry didn’t know and it kind of made him nervous. 

 

“I found you unconscious so we brought you here. You’ve slept for a whole day, told the boss you were sick so don’t worry about that.” Zayn smiled down at him when he opened his eyes, seeing Liam looking warmly at him to his right..

 

“Yeah, but why am I _here_?” He tried again.

 

“Well, you didn’t show up for work on Saturday so went to see if you were okay. When I got there, you were unconscious on top of a floor of broken glass. I called Liam to help me get you to a hospital but you really put up a fight. We couldn’t get you to leave your house until we promised to not take you to the hospital.” Zayn explained as Liam left, saying he was going to get Harry some soup.

 

“You didn’t have life- ending cuts but we still needed to clean them up so we brought you to my apartment. You fainted in the car, by the way. Liam got his first- aid kit while I took off your clothes and we cleaned all the blood from your cuts.” 

 

Harry lifted up the covers and saw himself naked, his chest was covered by a bandage, wrapped around his whole torso. His hands has band- aids on the, mostly his palm. He had a feeling he had quite a few on his face.

 

“That reminds me.” Zayn got up and went to his dresser, where Harry saw his own clothes, splotches of red on his shirt. Digging around and resurfacing with sweatpants and a t- shirt. “Here. You’re naked.” He stated.

 

“Thanks.” Harry blushed as he stood up, only in his underwear. Zayn coughed and left, insisting Liam probably needed help.

 

As soon as Harry put on the clothes, he left the room, looking for the kitchen. He walked down the hallway and found the only door with a light escaping the gap underneath. Pushing it open, he found Zayn in the fridge and Liam at the stove.

 

“Um, thanks for helping me.” Harry announced his presence.

 

“No problem.” Liam said, spooning soup in a bowl and laying it on the table, gesturing him to take a seat.

 

“But if you don’t mind me asking,” Zayn set down a glass of water in front of him, “What were you doing on the floor?”

 

There was silence when he asked.

 

All three of them were sitting at the table. Zayn and Harry sitting across from each other and Liam in the middle, who looked between the two of them. Zayn stared down Harry with a look that he’d never seen on anyone.

 

“Harry.” Zayn tried again. “What made you fall onto a pile of crushed glass?” He asked with more force.

 

When Harry didn’t answer, Liam jumped in. “Cut him some slack, Zayn. He’s had a rough time. Just let him eat his soup and rest a little more.”

 

“Liam, you know this is important.”

 

“Yes, I am well- aware how important this is but look at him! He’ll tell us later.” Zayn tsk- ed in annoyance. “You will, won’t you, Harry?”

 

Harry nodded, wanting the conversation to continue later, when he’s had a chance to think things through.

 

Zayn sighed and got up. “Fine. But you’re explaining when I get back.”

 

“Where are you going?” Harry asked.

 

“Work. I’ll be back soon.” 

 

As soon as they heard the door shut, Harry looked at Liam. “I’m sorry.”

 

“What for?” Liam asked, confused.

 

“About you guys having to take care of me. Cleaning me up and making me food. And just now, your fight.” Harry mumbled, playing with his spoon.

 

“It’s no problem at all. It’s not like I had anything to do anyways.” Liam waved him off. When Harry still looked unsure, he continued, “Harry, it’s totally fine. I like helping others, too. Besides, Zayn thought you there was something you were hiding from him. Now he knows.”

 

“What do you mean?” Harry asked as Liam’s phone beeped.

 

“Nobody wears that many bracelets because they want to.” Liam nodded to Harry’s arm, where they both knew scars hid underneath. “I have to go. One of the girls upstairs has some problem with her bathtub. Are you okay if I go?”

 

“No, it’s fine. I mean, it’s your job, isn’t it?”

 

Liam smiled gratefully him. “Eat and rest, okay? Watch telly, if you want.” 

 

Harry nodded, blowing on a spoonful of hot soup before putting it in his mouth.

 

“Tasty.” He said, smiling to Liam as he left.

 

Harry was quick to finished the bowl, drowning down the water. He washed and dried them, putting them back where Liam fished them out. Then he went back to, what he thought was Zayn’s room, where he slept. He found his clothes, his white shirt had holes and were red, his pants still in alright condition. Harry put on his socks and sneakers, grabbing his phone off the counter.

 

He looked for a pen and paper, wanting to write them a note. Finding a notepad and pen near the phone, he wrote, _Thanks for everything. I’ll see you at work. -Harry :)_. He stuck it on Zayn’s bedroom door, right about where he thought Zayn’s head would be. Then he walked out of the flat.

~

“Shit.” Harry said as he stood in front of his house.

 

From where he stood, he could see that the television was on in the living room. He knew that it was Robin.

 

He checked his phone for the time and figured that he could just hide until his step- father had to leave for work, leaving the house empty. He may have been a drunk but he still worked. Harry was about to leave when the front door opened.

 

“Fuck!” Harry said under his breath, crouching behind a rather large bush. Robin walked to his car, a beer in his hand. He burped as he unlocked the car, getting in and driving away.

 

Harry waited a second and got up from his hiding spot, dusting himself off. When he entered the house, he went right to the kitchen, just to see if Robin cleaned up.

 

“Of course.” Harry said to himself, seeing everything just like Friday night. Everything broken and on the floor, table still flipped over.

 

He sighed and went to get the supplies he needed to clean up the mess.

~

“Finally.” Harry sighed around 10 at night, on his bed.

 

When Robin came home, Harry was on his knees, almost done cleaning. Robin scoffed when he saw Harry, scrubbing furiously at his blood that dried on the floor, stopping in the kitchen to grab a six- pack of beer before going to his bedroom.

 

Harry was exhausted and he just wanted to sleep, not caring for the pile of schoolwork he knew he had.

 

He stripped himself with intentions for a shower. He carefully unwrapped the bandage around his torso, seeing his whole chest had cuts, some large and some small. Harry let out a hiss when he stepped into the hot shower, the water hitting his cuts and burning. As much as he wanted to clean himself with body wash, Harry decided against it, knowing the cuts would only sting more.

 

After a quite painful and not so relaxing shower, Harry dried himself, cleaning the cuts and wrapping a new bandage around himself, ones he got in fear of something like this happening.

 

All wrapped and clean, Harry curled in his bed, liking the feel of his own sheets, his own bedroom. He was asleep in seconds.

~~~~~

Harry heard a fast and loud screech and he looked up, seeing a quite distressed blue- eyed boy.

 

“Hi.” Harry smiled, his chin resting on his hands on his desk, trying to look like his heart wasn’t pounding in his chest at what would be their usual conversation because it actually was. In fact, Harry thought it would burst out of his chest.

 

The boy in the seat in front of him looked concerned and some sort of angry. His eyebrows were knitted together and his lips were pressed together in a tight line. His fingers drummed on Harry’s desk, the nails looked bitten down but only a few fingers. Harry assumed it must have been habit but it was most likely from nervousness.

 

“Are you okay?” Harry asked, concerned for what could be his only fri- school friend/crush. The boy scoffed at him and turned around, bent over his desk, furiously writing.

 

He slammed the piece of paper on Harry’s desk. It was hard for Harry to read, looking more like a baby’s scribble than a high schooler’s writing. Eventually, Harry worked the words out.

 

“‘Why are you asking me? You’re the one with band- aids on your face and hands after the weekend?’” Harry read aloud. He had to feel the band- aids on his face to remember that they were even there.

 

“Oh, right! Oh. They’re nothing important.” Harry waved him off. He got a skeptical look in response. “I’m serious!” He lied, suddenly nervous.

 

Mr. Gray entered the room and the blue- eyed boy turned around, focusing on the lesson.

 

Harry bit his lip. He was scared that the boy wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore because he wouldn’t explain. Maybe Tommo would know what to do. He pulled out his phone and texted him.

 

_its the guy again -harry_

 

His response was instantaneous. 

 

_Im offended -tommo_

 

_what? -harry_

 

_you didnt text me the whole weekend. i was so worried -tommo_

 

Boy, did Harry feel sheepish. How did he manage to forget about Tommo?

 

_im sorry. i guess i was preoccupied by stuff -harry_

 

_did something happen? -tommo_

 

Harry bit his lip and decided.

 

_yeah -harry_

 

_arent u vague -tommo_

 

_sry can i tell u later? in class -harry_

 

_sure -tommo_

 

Harry was about to put his phone away when it vibrated again. Another text from Tommo.

 

_did you have smthng to tell me about the fit guy? -tommo_

 

_o yea! i talked to him! but he wont talk to me -harry_

 

_so your the girl and hes the guy in this relationship? ;) -tommo_

 

_NO! idk y but he wont talk to me... -harry_

 

_weird. maybe he has a really squishy voice -tommo_

 

_what -harry_

 

_*squeaky damn autocorrect -tommo_

 

_teacher lkin talk lter -hary_

 

“Harry! Louis! Are you texting in class?” Mr. Gray asked, his voice booming. Harry and the boy in front of him, the blue- eyed boy, Louis, apparently, both shook their heads. “Don’t lie. Give me your phones. You’ll receive them at the end of class.” 

 

Harry gave his phone up as well as the boy in front of him, the blue- eyed boy, Louis.

 

“Louis?” Harry whispered, glad to know the boy’s name. Louis caught his eye and winked before turning to face forward.

 

_Louis_. Harry thought, feeling rathe giddy to finally know his name.

~~~~~

“You little bastard.”

 

“What?” Harry asked when he saw Zayn standing in front of the counter, hands on his hips.

 

“Don’t ‘what’ me.” Zayn said. “What the hell, Harry?”

 

“I. Don’t know?” Harry was throughly confused at his friend’s words.

 

“Mate, you left the flat. We couldn’t find you all day.” Liam turned on the red stool that was next to Zayn, now facing Harry.

 

“I was at school all day.” Harry said, going behind the counter to tie his apron.

 

“You _left_. And didn’t tell us. I thought you _died_ , Harry.” Zayn said, emphasizing his words as he leaned across the counter.

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Zayn.” Liam tried to calm his boyfriend down, pulling him back. “But Harry, we were worried. You could have told us you were going to leave.”

 

“I left you a note. I told you I would be fine.” Harry told him.

 

Zayn sighed and went to assist the customer that had entered, leaving Liam to deal with Harry.

 

“Harry, you have to understand how worried we were.” Liam started.

 

“I left you a note!” Harry insisted.

 

“I know but, Harry, when we, he found you, Zayn thought you were dead. He cried to me on the phone. He saw the blood and your unconscious body, he honestly thought he lost his friend.” _His friend_. Harry thought.

 

“When he found out you were still breathing, he started freaking out, insisting on taking you to a hospital. We took you back to his flat and we took care of you. And you _left_. You can’t just leave, Harry. I know you think it was a problem that we cared for you and fed you but it’s _because_ we care for you that we do those things. Not because we have to but because we need you to be safe and healthy because we _care for you._ ” 

 

Harry was stunned. He didn’t realize. He didn’t realize that there were actually people that cared for him, wanted him to be safe. To think that Zayn cared at the thought of him dead.

 

Harry leaped over the counter and walked right to Zayn who was currently taking orders from customers.

 

“You alright, Harry?” He asked, cutting off the woman ordering.

 

Harry ignored him, just embracing him, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry.” Harry mumbled into Zayn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for not realizing you cared. I’m so sorry.”

 

Zayn looked to Liam, who smiled and sipped his tea, and ruffling Harry’s curls. “It’s fine, Harry. It’s alright.”

 

The women at the booth ‘aww’ -ed at the sight and when they left, gave both Zayn and Harry a large tip.

~~~~~

A week passed by with no more huge fights with Robin.

 

Every morning, Harry went to school and talked to Louis, having an extra piece of paper in his pocket when they talked so Louis could write. Sometimes, they would cut their second class and just lie in the courtyard. And everyday, Harry could feel his heart pound in his chest, feeling himself grow closer to Louis.

 

After school, Harry would go to work. Liam would be there sometimes, just to chat with them. That first day, on Monday, Harry found two texts waiting for him, from unknown numbers which he saved under the name Zayn Malik and Liam Payne.

 

Now that Harry had five numbers saved, he only texted one on a regular basis.

 

Tommo.

 

They talked about everything. Harry told him of _that night_ with Robin, how he blamed him for his mother’s death and Tommo went insane, insisting he was going to kill him, only calming down when Harry told him about Zayn and Liam. 

 

_“One day, I’m just going to come get you.”_

 

Tommo said one time. It made Harry’s heart flutter because he cared. He cared just as much as Zayn and Liam. Maybe, just maybe, even more. 

 

_“I promise.”_

 

As they talked at night and texted during the day, Harry was happy. Well, happier. Tommo was the person that Harry told everything, confessed everything to and he never judged.

 

But that only lasted a week because the next Monday, everything collided.

~~~~~

“Louis?” 

 

It was second period and Louis led Harry out to the courtyard, where they were currently lying on the grass.

 

Louis poked Harry to let him know he was listening.

 

Harry took a breath and asked. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

 

It was a question he wanted to asked for a while and didn’t know what would happen if he did.

 

Louis sighed and sat up. Harry mimicked him, watching him write down his answer.

 

_You’ll find out soon. I promise._

 

Harry looked up and Louis was smiling at him, a hopeful expression on his face.

 

Although Harry wanted to press for answers, he smiled back and said, “Okay.”

 

They lied back down and basked in the sunlight before they heard the bell ring and parted ways for third period.

~

“Hey, Zayn.” Harry greeted his co- worker, the only person in the diner.

 

He got a nod in return. “Some girl says her sink is clogged so Liam’s not here.” Zayn informed him as he walked towards the restroom.

 

“I’m pretty sure the girl just wants to see Liam’s abs.” Harry joked as the door opened behind him.

 

“I’ll be with you in a second!” Harry shouted as he looked for his apron and notepad.

 

“Hurry your fat ass up!”

 

Harry shot up, knowing that voice. Standing there was Robin, a case of beer in one hand and a bottle in his other, clearly drunk out of his mind.

 

“Excuse me, sir, you can’t speak like that to him.” Zayn came out from the bathroom, completely shocked at his words.

 

“Fuck you! I can talk however I want to that lazy piece of shit son of mine!” Robin laughed, drowning his beer . 

 

“You’re his step- father?” Zayn asked, appalled at this new information.

 

“That’s right!” He said proudly. “Isn’t that right, Harry?” He laughed and tossed the glass bottle at Harry’s head, him shrieking and dodging in time, covering his head.

 

“Hey!” Zayn screamed in anger. “You can’t just _do_ that!” He tried to push Robin out.

 

“I- it’s alright, Zayn. I g- I got it.” Harry stumbled to walk towards his step- father. “C- come on.” 

 

“No, Harry. It’s not alright!” Zayn said. “The asshole threw a bottle at your _head_!”

 

“I can because I’m his step- father! I can do whatever the hell I want to this moron!” Robin said, pushing Harry away.

 

“Ju- just leave, Robin, please.” Harry tried pulling him out.

 

Robin laughed and slapped Harry, hard. On the cheek.

 

“Whoa!” Zayn bellowed, as Harry hit the floor, cheek red. “What the fuck, Robin?” Zayn went to Harry’s side.

 

The door opened and they all saw a boy. With blue eyes.

 

Louis.

 

“Louis? What are you doing here?” Harry panicked from where he lied on the floor.

 

“Is this your fag of a boyfriend? I can’t believe I raised you up to be a fucking fag, taking it up the arsehole!” Robin laughed, drinking his beer.

 

Harry curled up on the floor as Zayn scoffed at Robin and stood, ready to fight back. But Louis got there first.

 

“What the fuck?” Louis said, in a voice Harry thought he knew so well. “You’re Robin? You are the arsehole that threw a pie at Harry? You threw a glass bottle at his head? You were the one that made all those cuts on his body?”

 

“Yeah, I am. Why the hell do you care?” Robin scoffed, throwing the half- empty bottle at Harry’s head, missing by an inch.

 

Louis’ eyes twitched.

 

“I care because you treat him like shit. Harry is a human being and he has feelings, okay? He had feelings and I know he was devastated when your wife, his _mother,_ diedbut he doesn’t get drunk everyday and torment his step- son!”

 

Robin’s eyes narrowed, his nose flaring. “Listen here, you punk. Don’t act like you know what I’m going through!”

 

Louis nodded. “Fine. I don’t know what you’re going through. But Harry did. And he got over it!”

 

“If he’s over it, why can I hear his sissy ass crying in his room every night?” Robin pushed, smirking to the crumpled Harry on the floor, thinking he won.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Louis scoffed, making Robin look back at him. “ _You_ make him cry! If you were your step- father, you’d cry, too! Every day, you yell and shout at him, telling him lies, and yes, they are all lies. You get drunk and tell him he’s worthless, you remind him of his mother’s death and then blame him for it. Which is _complete bullshit_. You can’t just pin huge things like that on him, or anyone! You are the biggest arsehole I’ve ever hate to meet and I hope you hate yourself!” Louis shouted, taking a step, Robin taking a step back.

 

“Get out of here!” Louis yelled at him when they were outside, furiously watching him stumble his way to his car, his car zig- zagging on the road.

 

“Louis?”

 

Louis turned around and Harry was standing there in the doorway.

 

“Love, are you alright? God, he hit you?” Louis ran up towards Harry, hand curving around Harry’s cheek.

 

“I’ll be fine.” Harry said, moving his cheek away so Louis would pull his hand back. Louis pulled back, confused. “You were Tommo?”

 

Louis’ blue eyes widened. “Harry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to lie but I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m so-”

 

He was cut off by a laugh. Harry was in front of him, laughing with his eyes all squinty and dimples showing.

 

“Ow, don’t make me laugh. It’s hurts.” Harry said, feeling his red cheek.

 

“I didn’t mean to make you laugh! Why were you laughing?” Louis asked.

 

“Because I had a feeling you were Tommo! Er, Tommo was you? I don’t know but I had a feeling!” Harry insisted. “And thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For everything. The talks, texts, Robin.” Harry nodded to where Robin’s car was. “You saved my life.”

 

“I didn’t save yo-”

 

“You did. I was ready to kill myself and somehow you and your voice pulled me away.” Harry reminded him, resting his forehead against Louis’. “You’re my savior.”

 

Louis blushed at Harry’s words.

 

“Har-” Harry cut him off.

 

“Do you want to see a film with me?” 

 

Louis smiled at him. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

 

They smiled at each other for a long time, Harry’s green eyes and Louis’ blue one twinkled at each other, seeing the inner happiness that they both had inside.

 

“That was beautiful!”

 

They both turned and saw Liam standing with Zayn in the doorway of the diner. Liam was jumping up and down, squealing at the cuteness and while Zayn smiled at him.

 

“Before we forget what just happened,” Zayn said, “You’re living with me now.” He said, pointing towards Harry.

 

“No, Zayn, I ca-”

 

“What’s that? I think I hear the sounds of my giving a fuck for legal shit flying away. Oh, no! Oh, no!” Zayn said, not caring about anything other than Harry’s safety.

 

They all laughed as they went back into the diner.

 

Harry smiled at Liam because he would let Harry stay in any open flat he had and at Zayn for letting him move it, because they care about his safety and wanted him safe and unharmed.

 

Harry squeezed Louis’ hand and smiled at him, his heart fluttering now that he finally heard his voice and it was the voice of a person that cared about him.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments mean the world to me :) XOXO


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